


On Top of the World

by GirlOfLetters



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Wings, Christmas, Christmas Tree, Damaged Castiel, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, It's a Wonderful Life, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-09 04:02:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5524706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GirlOfLetters/pseuds/GirlOfLetters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Christmas at the bunker with Sam, Dean, Charlie and Cas, set in a slightly alternate season 10. Charlie is determined that they should have a fun Christmas but the holidays bring back bad memories for Dean from his pre-Hell year and further back, Cas misses his burned wings and Sam is sort of just going along with it. Destiel by the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Essentially, the main difference from canon Season 10 is that Christmas happens right after Cas gets his Grace back from Metatron. There will be season 10 spoilers but you probably figured that out.

It was all Charlie's idea. It wasn't like Sam or Dean particularly cared about this sort of thing – a giant tree and decorations and copious amounts of cooking… After that Christmas in the year before Dean had gone to Hell he and Sam had avoided it more than ever. Even just the smell of eggnog made Dean feel anxious, on edge, like he was trapped somewhere with the air running out. But Charlie was Charlie and Dean had difficulty saying no to her. As a result, the bunker looked like the cast of Lord of the Rings had crashed a production of the Nutcracker. Dean had to admit that even he had laughed when he'd taken a closer look at the top of the tree and realised that there was a Ken doll there, dressed up as Castiel and complete with a little pair of wings.

"Okay, that must be uncomfortable. That looks he has a giant tree shoved up his…"

"Dean!"

He sniggered at Sam and Charlie chorusing before he glanced at Cas himself and caught a look on his face that seemed almost painful.

"You all right, Cas? You're not being touchy about this, are you?"

The newly-restored angel startled and blinked at him, then looked at the tree-topper again.

"No. I was just contemplating the fact that it's not accurate."

Charlie crossed her arms. "Well, there's only so much you can do with a Ken doll. We can shrink you and stick you up there for accuracy if you prefer."

"I don't believe you possess the skills necessary to shrink a person."

Charlie raised an eyebrow at Dean. "He understands the concept of joking, right?"

Dean laughed. "Sometimes. Are you getting on that turkey now?"

"Christmas Day is not until tomorrow."

"So what do we do today?"

"Movie marathon!"

Dean looked at Sam who shrugged. Dean shrugged back and threw himself on the couch.

"All right," Sam said, throwing a bag of popcorn in the microwave. "We'll never be able to negotiate what we want to watch and Charlie said no fighting on Christmas Eve-Day-Thing so how about everyone picks one movie?"

Charlie raised a finger. "Christmas movie!"

"Die Hard," Dean said immediately.

Sam snorted.

"What? It's totally a Christmas movie! And we're watching that last so that I can use it to wash my brain clean of whatever sugary holiday nonsense you two pick."

"Dude, you are totally wrong."

"What do you want to watch then?"

Sam crosses his arms. "Gremlins."

Dean bursts laughing. "Gremlins? Okay, no, that's better than I expected. I thought I was in for 'Miracle on 42nd Street' or something."

"I want 'The Nightmare Before Christmas'," Charlie says.

Dean groans. "A musical? An animated musical?"

"That was your initial reaction when I made you watch 'Cats Don't Dance' and then you were humming the songs for a week."

"Was not!"

"Oh, I remember that." Sam grins. "The one with Shirley Temple's evil twin in a pink tutu. You shouted at the screen every time she was on."

"Shut up."

"Um…"

Everyone turned to Cas who was looking hesitant and a little uncomfortable.

"I… would like to see the one with Clarence," the angel said and Dean realised that none of them seemed to have expected him to make any suggestions.

"Clarence?"

"Meg… used to call me that. I've learned since that it's from a movie. A Christmas movie. I would like to see that if you don't mind."

Sam recovered from his mild surprise first. "Yeah, he's from 'It's a Wonderful Life'. That's a good choice, Cas, it's a classic."

The microwave chimed. Charlie ran to get it and a minute later she planted herself on the couch between Sam and Dean with the bowl of popcorn on her knees. "Okay, which one first?"she asked, plugging her laptop into the TV screen.

"Animated musical," Dean said with a sigh. "Let's just get it over with."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys! This exists: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/supernatural-the-parody-musical#/  
> They're friends of mine and I intend to give them a hand any way that I can ^_^


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Supernatural: The Parody Musical needs your help! Find them on Indigogo, Facebook (Supernatural: The Musical - Project Updates) and Tumblr and Twitter (spnmusicaluk)! Some of their writers are taking prompts if you share and retweet stuff although you're not guaranteed a story. But donate any amount to the Indiegogo campaign and I promise to write you one, anything you like :).

After they'd finished both 'Gremlins' and 'Die Hard', Dean was still humming 'Kidnap the Sandy Claws' under his breath which made both Sam and Charlie look very smug and snicker behind their hands every time it happened. He hadn't managed to glare them into stopping. Within the first fifteen minutes of 'It's a Wonderful Life' Charlie was half-lying on him and Dean very much wanted to kiss her – in a purely platonic way – for this demonstration of trust after the beating he'd given her under the influence of the Mark during the whole Evil Charlie fiasco. He appreciated it although he didn't feel like he deserved it. In his opinion, Charlie was far too quick to trust and forgive for the troubled kid runaway she had once been.

"You always cuddle with guys who punch you?" he asked eventually, unable to contain the question but also not wanting to discourage her.

"Hey, it's the new trend. Haven't you read '50 Shades'?" She paused. "God, I hope you haven't."

"Read what now?"

"You don't want to know," Sam said. "And hush, Cas is trying to listen."

"It's fine," Cas said. "The atmosphere of levity and camaraderie is to be enjoyed. I believe that's what Western societies associate with the holiday."

Sam gave a lopsided smile. "Yeah, I believe it is."

Dean directed his attention to Cas who was following what was happening on the screen with his usual intensity, head cocked to one side and a slight frown creasing his features although the look had somehow mellowed lately.

"Well, I'm turning in, bitches," Charlie declared once the movie was over. "I have a turkey to make tomorrow and I've never made a turkey in my life."

"I'll be off, too," Sam said picking up the now empty bowl from the popcorn. "I'll see you two tomorrow."

"Oh, you're just in a hurry to go to bed because you think Santa won't come for you otherwise."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Shut up, Dean. Goodnight, Cas."

"Goodnight," Cas said, finally looking up from his thoughtful contemplation on the carpet.

Dean poured himself a drink from a nearly-empty bottle of whiskey. "So I guess us not-entirely-human douchebags are staying up, then."

Cas blinked. "You are entirely human."

"Neah. I figure I'm at least halfway demon by now."

"You are George."

"Excuse me?"

"The man from the movie. You are him."

Dean's eyebrows shot up. "Okay, that came out of left field. What?"

"You have spent your life trying to help people and giving up your own dreams and ambitions on the way and now you think that there is no way out of your predicament and you may as well let yourself die. You don't realise how many people owe you assistance and are willing to give it."

"Really, Cas? I'm never letting you watch chick flicks again."

Cas continued as if he hadn't heard him. "And I am Clarence and I have failed at being your guardian. That's why I've lost my wings."

"Okay, seriously, Cas, what are you on about? You're not Clarence and you didn't get your wings by playing me some home video of my all-American apple-pie life. You lost your wings because Metatron is a piece of garbage and it doesn't matter anyway because you have them back now, right?"

Cas looked at him, as if surprised. "No."

Dean frowned. "What do you mean 'no'? I thought you said you got your mojo back."

"I got my Grace back. My wings… they're still burned."

"Oh… Sorry, man. Is that why…? The tree-topper. Is that why you said it was inaccurate?"

"Yes. I could make it accurate if you have a lighter."

Dean grimaced. "What the hell? You're not mutilating a representation of yourself, even if it's a Ken doll!"

"Seeing it makes me uncomfortable. I'm not even sure I'm a real angel anymore, I shouldn't be on top of a tree."

"First of all, it's our tree and we can have whoever we want up there and second of all you're a hell of a lot closer to what human think of as an angel than any other angel douchebag. You just watched the movie, right? Caring about humanity and helping people is what angels should do and you mostly have that bit down."

"Perhaps. I just… miss my wings. I wish I could earn them back."

"So they're completely gone?"

Cas shook his head. "It might have been better if they were. They're still there, just…" He paused for a moment, stood up, and then there was a flash and Dean could see the shadow of the damaged remains. Cas sighed. "They're a constant reminder of what I did."

Dean was still staring at the wall with a look of sympathy. Cas looked away from him, the light disappearing and taking with it the shadow image.

"That… looks bad, Cas, I'm sorry. You sure there's no way we can fix them?"

"Even if there is, I don't know if you should. I am not a good angel, Dean. The more power I have the worse things I do with it."

Dean waved a hand. "Don't be ridiculous. I mean, yeah, you've made some pretty bad mistakes but you're learning. That's what matters, right? And your wings, do they… like… need some care or something? An angel first-aid kit?"

"I don't know."

Dean eyed his back. "Well, do they… hurt?"

"Yes."

"Well, maybe we could… I don't know, patch them up. Except, of course, you can't show them to me because I'll get an epic nosebleed or something."

"The way they are damaged, I don't think you will."

"Okay well…"

"No."

"Why not?"

Cas shook his head. "It's embarrassing. Showing you the shadow while they are in this condition is bad enough. Besides, their physical manifestation would tear up my clothes."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on, don't be a baby. I won't stare at you inappropriately. You don't have to take your pants off, do you? Let me see."

Cas hesitated for a long moment, sighed and started taking his coat off.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If $10 more are donated to the Supernatural: The Parody Musical campaign we get to hear a demo of Cas's song! Please support these guys, I really want to see this musical happen! I've already donated and if you help them out, even in the smallesst way, I promise to write you almost any fic you want! https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/supernatural-the-parody-musical/x/13051454#/  
> Also, sorry for the lack of editing, this is probably complete rubbish but I'm posting it unedited because I haven't posted in a while and I thought something wa better than nothing. I'll go back and fix it at some point <3

“Son of a...” Dean took a step back, taking in the image before him. “Cas…”  
“I told you.” The angel looked self-conscious, even though all Dean could see was his back. “They’re an embarrassing sight.”  
“Cas.”  
“I’m just going to get dr-“  
“Cas, they’re still burning!”  
“That is an overstatement. Sweltering, maybe. There’s a price to pay for falling. Now you understand why most of the other angels hated me so much when I caused this to happen to them.”  
“But…” Dean couldn’t keep himself from staring in morbid fascination. He took an unconscious step forward. A few burned feathers crumbled to ash as he watched. “Cas, there’s goddamn embers… Fuck, man. Are they just going to stay like this?”  
“I don’t believe so. My brothers and sisters have probably healed. I think losing my Grace complicated matters. I didn’t feel them when I was human. It was… freeing, in an odd way.”  
Dean shook his head to clear it. “Okay. All right, let’s… Let’s see what we can do. There’s gotta be something for burns in the first-aid kit.”  
“Dean, I don’t think…”  
“Work with me here, okay?” Dean could hear a faint note of pleading in his own voice that he hadn’t quite meant to put there. Cas must have heard it too, because he turned around to look at him. It was a searching look, one the angel got when he was trying very hard to understand something he deemed important. Dean glanced away, then back at him, then went to rummage in the cupboards for medical supplies as he spoke. “Look, I… I realise me insisting on playing nurse sounds dumb. It’s just that this job used to be about helping people – even strangers – and lately it’s become about hurting friends and I just… want… to fix something or… at least to do something that’s not going to make things worse.”  
Cas cocked his head to the side. “Is this about the Mark? You think taking care of someone will help you stay… good?”  
Dean sighed. “I don’t know. It might help me stay grounded. These days even when I think I’m doing the right thing it seems like the Mark finds a way to turn it into an act of hate or rage or just pure evil. Look what I did to Charlie.”  
“From what I understand, you had little choice when the fight first began and she certainly seems to have forgiven you,” Cas said, pulling one of the chairs from the table and straddling it, arms crossed over the backrest. The uncharacteristic position was probably just to allow room for his wings but it gave Dean pause. It made the angel look very human despite the giant scorched distinctly inhuman appendages sprouting from his back.  
Dean dumped the things he had gathered on the table and leaned over it, resting his elbows on the surface and dropping his head in his hands tiredly for a moment. “I hurt her, Cas. I lost control and I hurt her. It will never be the same again.”  
There was a long pause which made Dean look up. Cas was frowning at a spot on the carpet. “I have hurt you a number of times. Have I damaged our relationship in a way I can never repair?”  
Dean straightened, taken aback. “No... No. I’ve punched you more than enough, too. And it’s not the same.”  
“I fail to see the difference.”  
“The difference is you pulled me out of fucking Hell, Cas.”  
“I cannot take credit for that. I did it because I was told. I was following orders.”  
“Fine. But you’ve done much more since. And I’ve thrown a lot of crap at you.” Dean shook his head. “This is stupid. You haven’t done anything you haven’t paid for. We’re cool, all right?”  
The angel smiled faintly. “All right. But, Dean, neither have you.”  
“Yeah, well… You’re not the one who currently goes homicidal at the drop of a penny, though.” He rolled up his sleeves. “Okay, I’m saying number one concern is that you shouldn’t be smoking and dropping cinder all over the place unless there’s an actual cigarette involved. Would holy water help?”  
Cas shrugged. “I have never had occasion to ask anyone what helps in this situation but if it does make you feel better… ‘Knock yourself out’ I believe is the completely nonsensical expression used in such a situation.”  
Dean chuckled in spite of himself. Then he cleared his throat, feeling mildly awkward but determined to follow through. He picked up a bottle of holy water and poured a small amount over a spot of smouldering feathers and bone. There was a hiss, both from the angel and from the evaporating liquid.  
“Sorry,” Dean said, withdrawing quickly. “Maybe this is a bad idea.”  
Cas’s hand reached back and caught his wrist. “And maybe it’s not. Maybe I could use the help.”  
“But…”  
“It’s fine, Dean, don’t be a baby.”  
“O… kay?” Dean hesitated as Cas’s fingers released him but he lifted the bottle again. He flinched at the cloud of vapour when water met scorching heat and at the angel’s obviously white-knuckled grip on the backrest of the chair but by the time the bottle was empty, there were no more embers to be seen. Ash was mixing with water on the floor where a few blackened feathers had fallen off as well.  
“Cas, you okay?”  
“I’m fine, Dean. I’m just… thinking.”  
“About…?”  
“Maybe I am not Clarence. Maybe I am simply one of the people affected if George is gone.”  
“This again? What’s gotten into you, why are you obsessing over some cheesy movie?”  
“Because it is a movie about the impact of one person. What’s gotten into me, Dean, is that I am scared. You don’t seem to realise…”  
“What? What don’t I realise?” Dean asked when Cas failed to continue.  
“You don’t seem to realise that I don’t have anywhere else to go anymore. I am not human but I am too human for an angel. My brothers and sisters hate me and with good reason. Balthazar was my only actual friend from Heaven and I killed him. At this point, Dean, I have no other home and no other purpose but to help you. I have nobody to blame but myself but, Dean… If you think Sam will be able to move on once you are gone you may or may not be wrong but I have nothing to move on to. Heaven won’t have me and I don’t fit there anymore anyway and, without you, I don’t fit here either.”  
Dean had frozen in place, a little stunned, holding a tube of topical lidocaine cream.  
“Cas, what the Hell? I thought you were on good terms with Heaven now. Hell, Hannah just got you your Grace back so they must like you, right?”  
He watched Cas’s shoulders tense up, indicating that he’d let something slip that he hadn’t meant to. “Yes. That’s true.”  
“No.” Dean walked around the chair to stand in front of him. “Don’t you dare lie to me. I can’t take it from you again, not now, please.”  
“Dean…”  
“Don’t Dean me, just tell me what is going on!”  
Cas looked away. “I made a terrible mistake. A selfish mistake. I should not have tried to find my Grace.”  
“What are you talking about, of course you should have! You were dying, man.”  
“Yes. And now my life is once again saved at the cost of others. I told you, Dean, the worse off I am, the better the rest of the world seems to fare. That angel up there on that tree, people put it there on top of the world to watch over them. Putting me there? I won’t be surprised if we find the tree burned down tomorrow morning.”  
Without breaking eye-contact, Dean put the tube of medicine on the table and slowly took hold of his shoulders. “Okay, enough vague nonsense and movie analysis and looking for deep messages in a piece of plastic stuck on a tree. Cas, what did you do?”  
“I let Metatron escape.”


End file.
